


Linger

by blkladyelle



Category: Free!
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Past Relationship(s), Roommates, slightly canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkladyelle/pseuds/blkladyelle
Summary: In a past life, you had loved him and he had loved you. However, he stops talking to you and disappears from your life leaving you broken. Cue college and you meet one of the nicest guys you've ever met. You've turned down almost anyone who's asked you out and no one really knows why. So how has your previous relationship, if you can call it that, affected your future?Note: there are constant POV shiftsI wrote this ages ago but I'm moving everything from da to here.
Relationships: Tachibana Makoto & Reader, Tachibana Makoto/Reader, Tachibana Makoto/You, Yamazaki Sousuke/Reader, Yamazaki Sousuke/You
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

He's leaving again, this time for good.

I was always prepared for this day, but I never wanted it to come true. He would always be going somewhere to train or to a meet or just somewhere with water. But this time, I knew it was permanent. I knew he would miss his childhood friends so it was only a matter of time until he went back. He never ceased to talk about Rin, his best friend and fellow swimmer. However, he failed to mention in their letters to each other his injuries. 

And, well me of course.

He mentioned that he sneaked into a swim meet to watch him swim, hoping to get over his shoulder injury. Is that why he's leaving? Or maybe worse...

No, it can't be because of me! I only visit Tokyo in the summer, there's no way it's my fault! We've only been friends for a few years! I mean, sure my dad owns some business around there and has a seat on some college boards and knows very high up people

Wait, stop. I'm thinking too quickly, too irrationally. I'm sure he has a perfect explanation for why he's leaving...

It's not like I live here or was planning on attending university here to be close to my father and possibly him. Oh wait, the latter is true. So can someone just tell me why he would leave?

Without a goodbye kiss

Without an address to write to

Without a phone number to call...

There's just got to be a reason why he didn't say anything to me other than "I'm leaving and not coming back."

What happened to him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being late to class on the first day on college is one thing. But being late to a college where you're still struggling to learn the language is another. I decided to attend the University of Tokyo to stay closer to my dad and because I loved coming here so much in the summer! But goodness was I all over the place! I was supposed to meet with my tutor at 9:00 A.M. and judging by my bright alarm clock, I've only got 15 minutes to get there.

I quickly rush to get ready and throw on a simple outfit when there's a knock on my door.

I trip gracefully to the door, my hair a disheveled mess and practically shove the door open.

And that's when I see the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen.

"Hi, I'm Makoto Tachinaba. I'm your tutor! I decided to drop by in case you were running late, so in that case I'm glad I did!"

I don't think I've ever blushed so hard in my life. And was that a hint of pink I saw under his beautiful, majestic, breath-taking-

"May I come in?"

My eyes go wide as I realize I was daydreaming. "Uh, yeah sure!" I barely make out the words. I lead him in and try to check myself out when I feel for my chest and notice that I am indeed braless.

What a great story this will be.

"So," he begins, "what brings you to Tokyo? I can clearly see you aren't from Japan, but your surname seems familiar."

My eyes perk up at this, "I'm actually here on a scholarship! My dad owns (l/n) corporations and I'm studying international affairs and I want to become an English teacher here!"

"That's amazing! I knew your name sounded familiar. But I'm also very surprised at your Japanese right now. Why do you need me?"

"My dad hired you," I reply. "Since he magically became fluent in Japanese he expects the same from me. And he mentioned you want to become a teacher?"

His olive eyes brightened and a beautiful smile adorned his face, "Yes! That must be why we were paired together. I'm actually studying to be a swim teacher!"

My heart started to beat quickly. 'Not another swimmer,' I thought. "I actually know a swimmer from here! But I don't think you'd know him. It's been a while since I last spoke to him."

He seemed to blush at my comment, "Well Ms., uh, I never actually got your name."

"(Name)."

"That's a really pretty name."

As if my (s/c) face wasn't red enough, I think my cheeks could burst from his kindness.

"Well Makoto," I sighed, "I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship."


	2. Chapter 1

I can't believe I'm starting my third year of university! I never thought that I'd be able to survive this long and not be homesick! How can I be? I'm in the city I've loved my whole life and in a country I've always wanted to explore. And the friends. Oh my I've been blessed with such amazing friends! Granted, most of them are in my major and minor. Speaking of my friends, I promised my best friend I'd meet with him for lunch!

Makoto Tachinaba.

My Japanese tutor from my first year; he still makes fun of me for how we first met. He's been most kind to me, always being there for me, helping me with homework...Almost anything. I've been able to open up my heart to him, but not as much as I would like. I want to be more open with him like best friends are supposed to be, but I can't. I don't think my mind and body can go through that kind of hurt again. I finally feel full again and there is no way I'm going to jeopardize that.

I walk up to a small cafe we frequent and see him waiting for me. I wish he wouldn't lean against that light post like that, it makes him look way too attractive. Doesn't he realize what he's doing to every girl here and especially me? My mind and heart are jumbled enough as is.

I call out his name and he glances in my direction and smiles one of his irresistible grins. A grin that reaches to his olive colored eyes that sends my heart soaring a mile a minute.

I was so caught up in the moment, I didn't see the road end and the sidewalk begin and tripped. Once again, this has to stop happening, Makoto was there to catch me before I slammed head first into the asphalt. I look up to him and see a slight, blush? Is he blushing?

He coughs slightly and lifts me up off of him. "Well it's a good thing I'm around all the time. What would you do without me?"

"Probably be in the hospital."

He frantically waves his hands in my face and stutters out "No, that's not what I meant! I mean..."

A flustered Makoto is a cute Makoto. I giggle and motion for us to go inside. The cafe is a small little hole in the wall that only students attend. We both make our way inside after our little blunder in front of the shop. As soon as we walk in, I gesture toward a table by the window, our usual spot. It's a great spot you know, a perfect view of the world outside while being completely alone and private in our own world.

I ordered my usual drink and so did Makoto. For how often we come here, we should probably have a coupon or something. I sip from my straw and I'm taken to nostalgia. Every memory we have here comes flooding back with that one taste. Hopefully, more memories will be formed here.

"How many credits are you taking this semester?"

Makoto finally broke the comfortable silence between us, "Oh, uh I'm only taking 14. Since I went abroad last semester, I got lots of credits done for my major!"

"Oh right," Makoto exclaimed, "how was that? You went to a few countries right? I'm actually incredibly jealous of you right now! International affairs sounds wonderful right now."

I scoff at his comment and give a fake laugh, "Don't even joke like that. Yeah it was fun, but I missed here. I guess that comes with the territory of being international affairs. It's always nice to come back home."

His eyes seemed to light up at my remark, "Home? Are you trying to live here? In Japan? Permanently? That's great- uh, that's cool."

"Well yeah." I lower my head in embarrassment to hide my blushing features. I thought he knew I was trying to stay? "I want to be the American ambassador here and since most of my trip was over there, it only makes sense. Plus it was home so I'm glad I'm bilingual now!"

"That's amazing! I'm so proud of you," he said ecstatically and got up to hug me. His hugs were something else. His strong features seemed to soften, as his touch is gentle. I felt so safe in his arms, I lean my head into his chest ans his hold tightens on me. "I thought you would have gone back to America."

"Come on Mako, you know I love it here too much! So," I break the hug and sit back down, "what about you? You went back to Iwatobi to teach swim lessons right?"

At the mention of his sport, his face brightens up more than before. "Oh it was amazing! Those kids are amazing, you should have seen my younger siblings learn to swim. And I got to see all my friends as well."

I smile warmly at him, "So that includes your never around roommate? Speaking of him, I've never met him!"

"That's because he's never around and he keeps to himself."

Ugh, I wish that didn't sound like my swimmer, but it does. There's no way they know each other right? I'm sure Sousuke is a popular name among swimmers. At least that's what I've been telling myself all these years I've known Makoto. Up until now, I've been able to convince myself of such. Our conversation continues in a light manner, talking about nothing and everything all at once. It's relaxing, just what I need before class.

I glance at my phone and check the time, "Oh shoot, I'm going to be late for class!"

Makoto leans back in his chair, "It isn't the first week of class, it's okay to be a little late."

My lips form an 'O' shape. He's never one to be late for class. I give him an incredulous stare. He simply giggles, "I'm kidding, come on I'll pay."

~~~~~~~~

As I'm leaving class, I decide to take the long way home and walk through the quad. The cherry blossom trees look so beautiful, I never tire seeing them. I got so caught up in the moment, I accidentally ran into a brick wall- or what felt like one.

"I- I'm so sorry! I wasn't paying attention-" I stutter out. I look up and see a strong hand holding itself in front of my face.

"(Name)?"

"Sousuke?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh it's a pain looking at my early work omg


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't think he'd ever run into you again...you know, until he did

There was a reason I never gave her my address or any of my whereabouts. I never wanted to run into her again. But yet here I am, holding my hand out to her because she clumsily walked right into me. No doubt day dreaming about something stupid, as per usual. Nice to see that she's still her clumsy self. That's besides the point, why is she here? Why didn't she go back to America where she belongs? I'm here, and she was supposed to just be another summer fling. An on again off again summer fling that wasn't a fling after all. I told her things I thought I would never say. Did things with her I never could have done with just anyone. And how long had that gone on? Three, four years? I was young, so I didn't know any better.

That's why I said I was never coming back. I had to clear my head. I needed to get away from her. Swimming is my life, well, was my life. I needed to focus on my athletic career and not some girl I met by chance. She wasn't supposed to be important to me. And somehow I find myself trying to cover it up. Bury it deep inside.

"Sousuke?"

There's that voice again. I can't believe it's as smooth as I remember it. I take her hand to lift her to her feet. I keep a poker face as I study her features. Her (e/c) still glow when she grins from ear to ear, something I had always admired. The years have certainly worked wonders for her.

"Thank you, goodbye."

And just like that, she walked away. The wind rustled her hair as she brushed past me. I turn to watch her leave me, as I left her all those years ago. I keep walking forward, hopefully to return to a calming environment of my apartment. I'm just hoping I don't get lost again.

~~~~~~~~

I walk up to the third floor to reach my front door. I usually leave the door unlocked when I'm home and my roommate does the same. I jiggle the knob and walk in. I drop my swim bag on a chair and slowly approach my couch and slump into it. I run a hand through my hair trying to process what just happened. I had actually seen her, and she saw me. She was void of any emotion. That's not the (Name) I know. I hear footsteps coming close and lean my head on the edge of the couch.

"I thought you'd be at the library by now," I tell my roommate.

I hear him shuffle something in the kitchen and a loud bang on the counter, "Actually, I had done my work earlier so I could go to the cafe with-"

"With the girl of your dreams that apparently doesn't exist."

God, Makoto talks about this girl all the time but I've yet to meet her. Until I've met her, she's still a fantasy.

"Actually," he starts, "I'm inviting her over for dinner. I'm really hoping you'll stay! I want two of my closest friends to meet."

I chuckle softly, "I don't think Haru would like you saying I'm one of your closest friends." I get up and decide to go into the kitchen to peek at what could be for dinner. I still can't believe I moved in with this guy, started out as rivals and now look at us. Roommates in college. He knows all about my life, swimming wise that is. Somehow, we've managed to become really good friends. And this future swim teacher has encouraged me to slowly get back into my sport. And that's actually the best thing that's happened to me so far. Well, one of the best I guess.

"Alright fine, I'll be here. But let me go get some laps in at the pool. Just don't have sex when I walk in."

"N-no of course not! We're just friends and-"

"Dude relax," I say as I wave him off, "I'm sure everything will be fine." I grab my bag and head out the door.

~~~~~~~~

Nothing like a few laps at the pool to clear my head. There's something about the smell of chlorine mixed with sweat that's soothes the soul. The water helps me think, I guess because it's always been my life. I'm not as strong as I was when I was swimming with Rin, thanks to my shoulder. But with the couple years of physical therapy I've had, it's gotten easier to do this. I pull myself out of the pool and walk over to the empty bleachers where my stuff is. Another amazing thing about this facility is that no one really uses it. So I can really be just me here. Release all my emotions here, all my stress. I can be as loud as I want. I grab my towel and proceed to dry off my body. I search for my phone when I hear a buzz.

"Sousuke! Where are you?"

Aw shit.

~~~~~~~~

I'm practically sprinting as I take my familiar path back to my apartment. I'll never admit this, but I really do enjoy it when Makoto cooks at our place. It's like being at home. And since he's having a girl over, I'm sure it will be five star worthy.

I finally approach my apartment, hands on my knees as I catch my breath. I can faintly here the sound of my roommates voice, and smell what he's cooked, and another smell that has a familiar aroma. Suddenly I hear a yelp, a feminine one and Makoto and a crash.

I burst through the door and see the back of a young woman's body on top of Makoto, a blush evident on his face. I snicker at him, "I told you not to be having sex when I..."

I trail off as the mystery girl slowly turns to face me. I knew I recognized her smell. It hasn't changed. And there she is, on top of my roommate.

"Sousuke? Really?" (Name)'s voice echoes in the silence. She looks confused as she furrows her brows in frustration. Then something in her clicks, "Oh gosh, this, this isn't what it looks like," she stutters out tripping over Makoto in the process.

I don't want to hear her excuses, so I leave. Something I'm good at, I suppose. I slam the door in her face and stand outside the door.

And for some strange reason, my insides feel like they're falling apart all over again.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Makoto just wanted to have a nice dinner with you

"Hey (Name), you like curry right?"

I always make it a habit to ask my guests if they're going to like what I'm cooking. Even though I've already had it made. It's finally happening, (Name) is coming over to have dinner and meet Souske! I've been trying to get us all together for far too long. Either he had to work out and physical therapy or she had a club activity to run. But now, it's all going to be perfect. The perfect night with two of my favorite people.

I hear her giggle over the phone, a velvet like laugh that just melts my heart, "I honestly don't care what we're eating, I'm glad I'm finally having a Makoto original meal."

"Well," I continue, "come on over, it's almost ready!" As I wait for her response, I hear a knock on the door. I'm sure it's just typical Sousuke who forgot his key again. He sure knows how to lose things like his memory. Oh well.

"Sou, you've got to stop-"

"I'm flattered you think I'm your roommate," (Name) slyly remarks. I close my phone quickly and lead her inside. This isn't the first time she's been here, but it's the first time she's been here just because. Her enticing smell of vanilla and lavender mixes with the smell of my curry, sending my nose to cloud nine. If this is what paradise is, I never want to leave.

(Name) strides into the kitchen and takes a whiff, "Mm, this smells delicious! Remind me to make you the head chef of my apartment."

I'm hoping the warm air of the kitchen hides my blush as I raise my hand to my neck, "Oh no," I mumble out, "it's just a family recipe. Nothing too important."

She gives me a million dollar smile, "It's okay." She walks toward the couch and plops down. "Oh by the way, where's our mystery guest?"

I drop the spoon I'm using to stir up the curry and rush to my phone. I swiftly send him a text asking him of his whereabouts. I go back to the stove and put the pots on simmer, so the meal is warm when Sousuke returns. So far, things are going great. Maybe too well. Should I push my luck tonight? No, it might be awkward, I'd rather not have Sousuke become a third wheel in the middle of the evening. Plus, she's never met him! Granted, there are times I feel like I don't know him. I've never been in his room and he seems so guarded about his personal life. Now that I think about it, I've never seen him bring anyone home, friend or not. I worry about him. I know he misses Rin so I'm really hoping to have (Name) be another friend for him. He really needs it.

I'm relieved of my thoughts when I hear her laughing at something. "What's so funny, and why aren't I laughing with you?"

She turns to me with a hand over her mouth to cover her snickering. I look to where she's pointing and she's glancing at a picture Ren drew for me. My face flushes as I get a closer look.

Ren tried doing some artwork for me. Swimming. And well, teaching kids to swim. It's not easy telling a little kid that they're drawing of you looks like you hugging kids in the water without a shirt on. "Uh, he wants to draw more things a-and I couldn't tell him that-"

"Pftf are those your abs? It looks like a sunburn!"

This is too embarrassing right now, "Give me that!"

In a teasing matter she taunts, "You're gonna have to catch me first!"

My heart is beating at a million miles a minute as I chase (Name) around the sofa. She wiggles the drawing in front of my face like a smug child. I reach for the drawing and she steps back, losing her balance. For the second time today, I reach out for her to catch her before she falls. I grab her hand and pull her into me, not noticing how close in proximity I am to the sofa. Her bag is flung off the couch as we both land with a thud on the cushioned surface. I look into her eyes and it hits me that she's on top of me, in a very compromising position. I feel my cheeks and ears burn up and see that she is flustered as well. I hold onto her a little bit longer. Maybe I can kiss her now, just maybe...

Then I hear the door open and there's Sousuke. I know what he's going to say before he says it. But, he doesn't finish his statement as (Name) slowly turns her head to face my roommate. A look of shock is on both of their faces. Just what is going on?

Next thing I know I'm on the floor.

~~~~~~~~

"Wait I'm confused, how do you know (Name)? I never mentioned her to you."

"How was I supposed to know that my roommate has history with her? Why would you mention her to me anyway?"

What does he mean by 'never mentioned her'? For all I know, most of his life is a mystery and in the span of one day, I find out that he not only knows her, but has a history with the girl I was dying for him to meet. Was this the swimmer guy she had mentioned to me before?

"(Name) has talked about you to me actually. But, she never told me your name..."

"Makoto, just shut up will you?"

An eerie silence reaches us as he shouts at me. (Name) had rushed out of here after she stuffed her face quickly. So now it's just the two of us face to face, having some sort of a squabble; if you would call it that. Sometimes he can be as bad as Ren and Ran when they don't get their way. It took him a while to come back. I'm guessing he took a few walks around the complex.

I sigh heavily and try to end the quietness, "Look, can you tell me how you know her?"

Typical Sousuke to avoid eye contact with me. His fists are clenched, a very common tell tale that he's frustrated. There's something he doesn't want to tell me, but we're grown men here he should just spit it out."

"It's none of your business, it's in the past."

"Well it is my business when I'm thinking of asking her out soon!"

Sousuke stands and turns his back to me, "What did you just say?"

Clearly I've hit a soft spot, "I, I want to ask her to date me. That's why I wanted you to meet her. Please just face me! If I had known I wouldn't have done this. Just, why haven't you told me about her?"

He takes a deep breath and is now facing me. "Don't you understand what I mean by 'it's in the past'? It's in the past, it doesn't matter-"

"Obviously it does if you're being a broken record about this." I puff myself up to try to be bigger and taller than him. His teal eyes show determination, with a hint of hesitation.

He shuts his eyes and starts to walk away, "I don't have time for this," he mutters. "I don't care what you do, just don't flaunt it in my face."

He walks into his room and slams the door shut. I sigh as recoil into the sofa. I rub my temples to ease the stress in my head. I think to call her.

As I reach for my phone, I hear a muffled grunt and a loud smash near Sousuke's room


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories have a funny way of coming back when you don't want them

Insanity.

That's the only word I can use to describe what happened that evening. Not only did I see him twice, he just happened to be Makoto, my Makoto's, mystery roommate. I haven't spoken to him in a few days. I'm too terrified to tell him how I know Sou- er, Sousuke. He'll think I'm hiding things from him!

But I am...

Ugh, everything was fine! It was just a typical day, going to typical class, seeing typical Makoto and then he comes and ruins it all! Stupid Souske! Whatever, I don't have time to dwell on this right now. I have written all these notes but I have no idea what I'm writing. All the words on the paper blur and mesh together to the point where it's unrecognizable. I glance at the clock near the window of the classroom and read that it's 1:40 P.M. I sigh in relief, only five minutes left of Bio Anthropology. It's not that the class isn't interesting, I just have too many things on my mind. To be correct, I'd say two certain people on my mind. And I'm starting to think I may have caused turmoil in their home.

The professor promptly dismisses us, and I'm slow to gather my things into my backpack to head out of the room and then the building. I turn the corner to head to the parking garage when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"(Name), did you get my text?"

I don't have to look back to know who that hurt voice belongs to. I reach into my jacket pocket and sure enough, there's a text from Makoto. I swallow an invisible lump and anxiously turn on my toes to see him. I keep my eyes glued to the ground as I mumble out an apology.

"You haven't spoken to me in three days. I'm worried about you (Name). We never got to talk about what happened-"

"The food was great and you're great and I finally met your roommate. Great? Great! I'll be leaving bye," I say in one breath hoping to avoid the touchy subject known as him because I know that's all he'll want to talk about. His hand firmly grasps the hem of my jacket to catch me before I power walk away.

His eyes of green stare into mine with worry and unrest. There are bags evident under his eyes and his body is humped over. "Please," he begs, "please just talk to me. I didn't know- I mean, if I did I wouldn't have set that up."

I relax my muscles under his grip and allow him to continue. Wow, he looks worked up over the whole ordeal. "No, you shouldn't have to apologize. I was never very open about my past. I know I mentioned him in passing," I pause to collect myself, "but I can't, well couldn't, bring myself to talk about him. So don't apologize, I was the one who was dishonest."

A soft wind cuddles around us, making us shift closer together. The air whipped my hair lightly in front of my face, hoping it will cover the tears that threaten to fall. I feel a warm hand lift my chin up and my nostrils are filled with a smell I've secretly loved. Chlorine and sweat, a beautiful combination to my nose, washes over me and calms my nerves as I am now staring into see through olive eyes. He takes his free hand to push a strand of hair behind my ear, opening up my face to him. There's a strange aura about him that I can't put my finger on, but for some reason I want to close the space between our lips in hopes that it will help me figure it out. But can I do it? Should I really pursue this? What about Sou?

"Please, (Name), tell me about your life. I don't want us to have to go through that again."

Wait, us?

"I know this isn't the best time to ask you, but when is there ever a right time?"

Right time for what? Oh god Makoto get on with it!

"I want you to be my girlfriend."

My heart stops beating. Did he just say what I thought he said? I look at him in awe of his words. I'd always longed to hear those words, but I never thought it would be Makoto. No, as awful as I am, I was and still am hoping for those words to come from my teal eyed swimmer.

So I just stare at him with my jaw on the floor.

~~~~~~~~

"Hey Sou," I yelled to him, " I got us our ice cream! Now come on!"

I'll never tell my dad this, but he and the lovely city aren't the only reasons why I love spending my summers here! No, it's because of this boy right here. Sousuke Yamazaki. I know he's in training and everything, but sometimes he needs a break just like everybody else! I somehow convince him to come with me to the beach for the day. Which brings us to right now.

Him and I. Leaning on the railing of the boardwalk, holding each other and eating our ice cream while watching the sunset.

I know this may sound crazy from someone who just recently turned 17, but I think I love him. We're young and all, but I believe we are. I don't know if he does, but I have a feeling he might as well. He may not be a talker, but he's easy to read.

I feel the cool summer air touch my skin, realizing that he let me go. I glance over to his form; he looks flustered. His fists are clenched by his side as his eyebrows furrow closer and closer together.

"Sou, what's wrong?"

He doesn't say anything. I shrug and turn my attention to the sky again, but I'm not met with a setting sun, but with teal waves. There's a strange look in his eyes that I can't quite figure. I feel his hands cup my face. The smell of vanilla still on his tongue as his face is inches from mine. His lips part slightly, "I know what you were thinking, and we're not too young."

"Wha-" before I can answer, my lips are silenced by the feel of a pair of chapped ones on top of mine. I press closer when I realize what he's doing. I angle my head to the side to further enjoy the kiss. His hands move from my face to my waist to pull me closer to close the invisible space. Our ice creams long forgotten as we are wrapped up in each others embrace.

He pulls apart first and rests his chin atop my head. This is a feeling I know I can get used to. We'd always been dancing around the subject, but I think this finally confirmed it. I had recently wrote him a letter saying that I might love something but I wasn't sure. I know Sousuke isn't stupid so I'm sure he put two and two together.

That was the happiest moment of my life and that was when I knew to send in my application for early enrollment for university here in Tokyo.

Three weeks later, before I had to go back to America, he tells me he's going away and leaves me with nothing.

~~~~~~~~~

Weird, I haven't thought of that day on the boardwalk in forever.

So why am I thinking about it now? Maybe it's because I saw her all those days ago. We were young then, we didn't know what 'love' meant and I still have no idea what it means. That was one of the best times of my life. It seems like it all came out of a cheesy movie Makoto would make me watch, but that's what happened to us.

The dent in the wall from where I punched it stares at me and makes my knuckles throb. I was aiming for the mini cork board I own, but I couldn't bring myself to punch that. It's the last letter she ever sent me with a small collage of pictures with the two of us. Who would have thought that our families knew and worked for each other? Maybe it's some sort of fate that they worked together. And maybe some sort of, "destiny" that I met her. But of course, the only things that go with fate and destiny is love.

And every time I think of love, I think of her.

And when I think of her, I think of him.

And when I think of him, I realize that he has her. I remember the words he told me last week,

"We're dating! Well not officially, she's afraid of relationships but... I finally got her."

I'm too late.


	6. Chapter 5

I understand why she doesn't want to make things "official" with me. I respect it and all, but why do we have to tell people that we're best friends who happen to be going on dates? Okay, I kind of get it because we haven't been very intimate and have only gone a few dates; I just don't get it. That's just one of many things that have been bothering me over the past few weeks.

Sousuke refuses to spend more than 20 minutes in the apartment if I'm there, always saying he's doing extra swimming for the club swimming meet (which is very different from the university team), but I'm on the team too and you don't see me killing myself over it. He's going to re injure his shoulder if he keeps this up. If there's anything I've noticed, it's that he and (Name) are covering up something and they don't want to tell me. What happened between them?

All she's said is that they were friends and they got into an argument and it ended badly. But surely she can't keep holding a grudge for this long? Souske it too though...

Just what the heck happened?

~~~~~~~~

Another peaceful night in the apartment. (Name) had just left, saying she has a project to work on and prepare for her group fitness class she teaches. And Sousuke is who knows where. I'm finishing up editing a paper on my laptop when I getting an idea. This would be an invasion of privacy, but I need to know. It's not like he locks his door anyway. I would just be in and out of his room in no time. But what would (Name) say if I tell her I went into his room? Nope, they both don't want to talk about it and I'm going to respect that.

Ugh, this is getting out of hand! All I wanted was to be with the girl who makes me almost as happy that swimming does and show her off to everyone I know! The one time I'm trying to be selfish, it backfires. If I'm going to get any work done, I need to clear my head. Maybe I should call Haru, he usually has some good advice.

I dial his number and he answers on the first ring.

"Did you ask her out," he automatically questions.

I chuckle into the phone, "Heh, hi how are you? And yes I did!"

"Did she say yes?"

"Yeah but-"

"Then why are you calling me?"

"It's not about her. I mean, it is about her but mainly about Sousuke."

I can feel Haru cringe slightly on the other end of the line, "What do you mean? Does he have some sort of ties to her that you want to figure out?"

I don't understand how he seems to know all of my situations before I even tell him. However this time, it's not comforting. "What do you know? Well, yeah that's basically it but-"

"They're going to have to tell you. You can't snoop or dig up information on them. Don't be Nagisa about this. Because you clearly really like her and your friendship with Sousuke is important to you too."

I sigh deeply as I take in his words, "It's been a month though. They have some secretive past that they don't want me to know. I'm in their lives, don't you think I should know everything about her?"

Haru breathes lightly before he begins his statement, "These things take time. When he's ready, he'll tell you."

I hear a click on the other end, indicating he hung up on me again. I hate when he's right about these things, but my heart is still uneasy. Am I supposed to just let this confusion and frustration boil up? I just need something, anything to help me. Then I remember something important. I shoot a text to Haru.

I have a club swimming meet next weekend, we should get the gang together! Sousuke and I will be racing.

~~~~~~~~

I think Sousuke might be right about constantly exercising, I've been at ease about the whole thing with (Name) and him. Right now, I need to focus on doing well in this meet. I've somehow convinced my friends and family to come! I'm excited to see everyone and introduce them to (Name). But what would I call her? She's my best friend? But I know that they will see right through that, even Haru could tell when I spoke to him last week. I've come to a resolve to ask her about Sousuke or vice versa. I don't want any animosity or awkward tension. It will be done before the swim meet.

But that means I only have two days.

I'm sure everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

As I'm walking into my apartment from practice, I shuffle through the mail to separte the legitimate from the trash. More mail of banks trying to scam college students, something about cable television and coupons upon coupons. I'm sure my parents would love to know that I'm actually keeping the grocery store coupons. I walk over to the trash can when I see a piece of paper that catches my eye. I pick it up gently, and read that one side has some writing and another with a name.

Both of their names were on it and I think I stumbled upon something I wasn't supposed to.

~~~~~~~~

Makoto is just being the sweetest sweet heart you could ever imagine. I don't deserve it at all. He's too good for me, which is why I can't be his official girlfriend. I don't want to get his hopes up and then get mine up for thinking... Thinking what? That I will finally not have feelings for a certain silent man? I can't hurt Makoto like that. He means too much to me for me to toss him under the bus. I can't give him what he wants which is all of me. But there's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by someone.

But is this the weekend to end it? He has his swim meet tomorrow and I can't distract him like that. He truly and deeply cares for me and it would just be the most terrible thing to do. However, I can't keep feeling like this, Makoto deserves all of me and not only some of me, which is all I can give. Who do I know that can give me a very blunt and straight forward answer?

"It seems my phone has been a buzz lately, who is this?"

"Haru?"

"Yes, and who is this?"

"Haru it's (Name), and I need some serious advice."

~~~~~~~~

Damn it, I can't remember where I put it. I know I had it on my desk and next thing I know, it's missing. Only I can misplace a simple piece of paper.

I'm fumbling around my room, tearing it apart to find this flimsy piece of paper. Had I taken out the trash? I don't remember. I usually have a very organized lifestyle but now it's all a scrambled mess. Just like the current state of my room.

This isn't some typical piece of paper. It has something very personal on it. I had spoken to my physical therapist for some tips on how to deal with feelings. She suggested I write them down and maybe send it and maybe not. So that's what I did. I wrote an apology letter.

Then an apology turned into a love confession, well acceptance that is. I had finally come to terms with it. And I wrote some mushy stuff, and now I can't find it. Ugh, what's the point of keeping it anyway? It's not like I was planning on giving it to her.

But why love? Why am I feeling this way? If I don't find it soon, it could be put into the wrong hands and who knows what can happen with that. This is exactly the kind of stress I need before my meet. Speaking of the meet, Makoto is bringing the traveling circus with him. Yeah, it means I'll see Rin again, which is always good, but that also means Haru and the dude hates me enough as it is. I'm sure me knowing his best friends girl is going to really put me on his nice list.

Man, I haven't spoken to Makoto in days. It's better that way honestly; if I don't see them then my feelings stay put and everything is fine. No one has to know that them being together hurts me. That (Name) is happy makes me happy, but I want it to come from me. Why was I so cruel to her? I told her young love doesn't exist after we both opened up to each other. Who the hell does that? Me, that's who. And I get that she never wants to speak to me ever again, but I would give anything to have her near me one last time...

I hear a knock on my door that distracts me from my thoughts. I didn't think Makoto would already be back from his date with (Name). Just thinking about them being together makes me cringe.

But it's awful isn't it? He's a close friend and I don't wanna hurt him, but these feelings are just-

"Open the damn door already I know you're in there!"


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's mentions of alcohol in this chapter. And also Makoto I'm sorry

My nerves were getting the best of me. Here I am sitting in the stands, cheering for Makoto and Sousuke at their swim meet with all of their childhood friends and some family. Boy do I stick out like a sore thumb. They've all known each other for far longer than I have known them and it's really starting to show. I recognized Ren and Ran from Makoto's pictures of them on his phone, and they're even cuter in person. With Ren and Ran on my right, I had Haru on my left, which definitely calmed some of my butterflies. Even though he can be as quiet as Souske, there's a calming aura he has that is as calm as the water itself.

"(Name), have you been able to talk to him?"

I swallow an invisible lump in my throat, "Uh, I don't think right now is the best time to bring this up," I whisper back to him.

He just shrugs and turns his attention back to the pool. I glanced over to the team area to spot Makoto. At that instant, a pair of green eyes meet mine from across the way and he smiles gently. I wave and give him a smile in return as he walks one end of the pool, preparing for his event. However, another set of eyes caught mine as well and it was hard to tear myself away. I was in a trance like state, it irked me but I couldn't shake it-

"Are you gonna marry my brother? You're really pretty."

I don't think I've ever felt my face heat up so quickly at Ran's question. I tried to stutter out an answer but luckily Mrs. Tachinaba saved the day.

"Don't mind them," she giggled, "they're just curious. They've never seen him bring a girl around is all. There's no pressure you know, just take-"

"I'm going to go to the bathroom!"

All eyes were on me in that instant. I guess I said that louder than I had intended. With that, I stood up and quickly exited to bleachers. I started for the restrooms, and in my haste I run into a wall.

Looking up, I see a jacket that sports the sign of the Olympics. Being the great deduct-or I am, I think it's someone to check out some athletes and my mind is swimming.

"Oh, sir I am so sorry! Let me clean up your spilled food for you! I hope you know that not all University of Tokyo students are this clumsy, I really hope you're enjoying the meet and meet wonderful swimmers and-"

A deep, masculine voice snickers at me, "Whoa, I'm not a recruit. I'm here to visit a friend. And thank you for that?"

By now, I have to be the creator of a new shade of red as I flush from embarrassment. The man in front of me seems to have hair a color that could have been my face in the past ten minutes. Suddenly, the gears in my brain start to shift. Red hair, swimmer, Olympics, swimmer friend? This has to be him.

"Hey, I recognize you. You're Sou's girl."

~~~~~~~~

We ended up getting involved in a very in depth conversation. I found it so easy to open up to the sharp minded shark tooth man. We were able to talk about everything and anything.

"I couldn't keep sitting in the stands, with his family and friends right there... It was getting overwhelming. I got asked if I was gonna marry Makoto and then I just, panicked and left and here we are now."

The two of us found a bench that was still close enough to the meet, but far enough away for some privacy. Seconds turned to minutes and before I knew it, the both of us watched Sousuke and Makoto's races from a distance instead of being right there. I was bummed, but I think I really needed this.

The sun was starting to set on the horizon by the time Makoto had found us. Judging by his face, he looked fairly upset. I press my hands into the bench to push myself up and meet his arms.

Only for his arms to be still by his sides.

~~~~~~~~

Since his family had to catch a late flight, we weren't able to get dinner with them, so instead it was Makoto and I. Apparently, Haru and everyone else went with Sousuke to get dinner on their own. We're all meeting up later though, Rin had told me that we're celebrating and that we're going out. But from how I'm feeling and the uncomfortable quiet he has been giving me, I feel like there won't be much to celebrate.

Putting down his fork, he clears his throat, "I was a little upset that you weren't able to cheer me on in the stands today."

"I know, I'm really sorry. I was feeling really overwhelmed and your siblings asked if I was marrying you and your mother didn't really help so I mean-"

"I know that's not it (Name). I know you better than that."

He shuffles in his jacket pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. His olive eyes give off an anxious and hurt expression that starts to shatter my heart. I have a strong feeling he wants to talk about the thing I've been trying to avoid for the past 6 weeks. And whatever he's holding in his hand has got to be super important.

"Makoto," I start, "what's going on?"

He slowly looks up in my direction and gives a heavy sigh. His hand runs through his brown locks as he struggles to begin this discussion.

"I think it would be best if we decided not to date."

I freeze, my whole body going numb at his words. This can't actually be happening right now can it? The noise of the restaurant invades my thoughts and makes it hard to think clearly. He couldn't have possibly just said that, right? This has to be a dream.

"Look, let's find a cool private place to talk." He puts some money on the table and takes my hand to guide me out of the restaurant. We stroll along until we reach the quad, taking in the solace and beauty of the cool night on the campus gathering grounds. The moon was making its appearance into the night sky, almost shining down a spotlight onto the two of us. Oh, it sounds so romantic, but this is far from it.

We both find a place to sit and his shoulders are slouched over. "You know that I've had strong feelings for you for awhile right?"

All I can do is nod, frightened of what is about to come out of his beautiful lips.

"And with that, I wondered why I never asked you earlier. But then I realized it's because you turn down almost any guy who asks you out and I thought I wouldn't have a chance. I thought it was because you were on steady hunt for the one, or just were too busy... But I think I know why."

Right now, I really hope he doesn't finish that statement, I swear, I swear he better not say what I hope he isn't going to say.

"It's because of him isn't it?"

The night goes still as he draws out his question. Everything around me seems to cease, no wind blowing, no college students conversing about classes and whatnot. Just nothing. Silence. And it's absolutely deafening.

"No it's not," I try to mumble out, " no one was as good as you. You saw all the jerks I went on one time dates with. None of them were-"

"Him. None of them were him."

"Makoto, listen to me." I'm begging for him to stop. Our eyes meet and he's not taking it. He's showing no mercy; we're talking about this whether I like it or not. My heart feels like it can jump out of my chest at any moment. Strong urges to run from this spot spark and I find it impossible to fight them.

"No, you're the one for me. It's only been about a month of us, uh..."

He gives me a scolding look, indicating that he's right. "We weren't really dating, were we?"

Makoto shakes his head, "We both wanted it so bad, but we ignored everything else."

"Makoto, please don't talk like that! I just, I'm not sure about dating, you know?"

A deep sigh escapes his lips as he looks away from me. "(Name), I was never in your heart. All I want is for you to be happy."

He stands up to face me, forcing me to look up at him.

"And I'm not the one who can do that, not in the way you want or need."

He takes my hands in his and I feel the folded up paper inside. He gently kisses my hands and gives me a warm smile. "I'll still be here you know. Oh and read that later. I really think it'll make you happy."

As he walks away, he luckily doesn't see the few tears that fell down my cheeks.

~~~~~~~~

I don't understand why Rin wants to go clubbing as a way of celebrating. I may have won my heat and event, but my time from high school only improved by a few seconds which is nothing to celebrate. I'll celebrate when my shoulder stops being a pain in the ass. The pounding music does nothing for my up and coming hangover. I see Rin already on the dance floor with a really hot girl. No surprise there. A few girls have come up to me to dance, but I'm too out of it to want to. My mind is occupied with the fact that I haven't seen (Name) grinding all up on Makoto. Which is weird, cause she's been on one part of the bar with her roommate and he's talking with Haru, Rei and Nagisa. I wonder if something happened.

I let it slide as I ask the bar tender for another shot of bourbon. That makes three. Three, that seems to be a magic number. Three, the number of girls who have come up to dance with me. The amount of years I've been in denial. The amount of times I said "I love you" in that god forsaken letter. Ugh, even when I'm tipsy I can't get her out of my mind. This is getting really annoying.

A large slap to my back shocks the living hell out of me, "Sou, get out there and dance! Stop sulking in your corner."

I shrug his hand off my shoulder and remain in my post. I hear him sigh in annoyance and feel him to my right. "Look, we are here to have fun and you're failing at it right now. Now come on dude, we've got-"

"Who the hell is she talking to?"

Somehow, I notice her across the bar and see her talking with some light haired guy who isn't Makoto. She never flirts like that, or let anyone get that close to her unless...

She's been drinking.

I storm away from Rin and feel rage bubble from inside me. How dare she do that in front of Makoto? Or me? I know she's better than that and whoever this ass is has better step away from her.

I reach them in a matter of seconds. I turn her attention to me, "What the hell do you think you're doing talking to scum like him?"

"Yo dude, we're teammates! I didn't know you knew her and besides, she's single and I'm ready to mingle." The guy wriggles his eyebrows that has me feeling some kind of anger. So I do what any reasonable guy would do. I punch the shit out of him.

"Sousuke! What the hell is your problem?"

Without waiting for her to respond, I flee from (Name)'s presence to collect my thoughts. I reach a quiet corner of the building where the music is muffled and pace around in the openness. I hear heavy puffs of breath and the stamping of feet.

"I will ask you again, what the hell is your problem? You can't just punch people like that."

"I can when I see my roommate's girlfriend flirting with another guy. Makoto is a good guy who really cares about you and this is what you do? Sure he's plastered but that's just low, even for you."

(Name) just stares at me, a mixture of confusion and hurt. She wraps her arms around her body and whispers, "He broke up with me."

One part of me is pissed that I just heard this. Another part of me is happy. Another part is hopeful. But all in all, I don't know how to react.

"You weren't good enough for him anyways."

"Excuse me? You're one to talk! But you know what? This is typical you, always have to put someone down so you can feel better or get what you want! Rin told me all about how you threatened him and Haru all about swimming! Oh and let me guess? I wasn't good enough for you either then huh? So having someone love you wasn't good enough for you now was it?! Correct me if I'm wrong."

Her words echoed in the hallway. I've never seen her get so angry, but I could tell that she was far from done.

"Do you know what you did to me? Do you have any fucking clue what you put me through? I profess something I never thought I would and haven't since, and you just walk away! You left me alone and so confused. I thought I was wrong. Did you even care about my feelings?"

My eyes reach the floor, I'm afraid of looking her in the eyes because from her tone, I can tell that she's crying.

"And then I run into you. I had convinced myself that I didn't need you, that you were nothing to me. And here you are."

The soft thumping of the music reverberates in our ears, filling the void. "(Name), let me explain..."

"Oh no," she cried," Rin told me. You left because of swimming. I was a distraction! So just like the fucking coward you are, you left! I was interfering with your swimming? I'm pretty sure that was your shoulder, which you blamed on me! How could you make me believe that all of this was my fault?"

"Damnit (Name)! I was never planning on seeing you again because I know I messed up the best thing that ever happened to me! Swimming was my life and I didn't know how to handle that..."

"What?"

"I never meant to fall in love with you."

She still hasn't said anything. The both of us have to be letting the alcohol get to us right?

"I couldn't deal with the fact that I found something more important than swimming."

I really hope she isn't crying, but these words come out like vomit and I'm hoping that it will all make sense.

"So I pushed myself and everyone around me. I was willing to risk my shoulder. I couldn't let Rin or my teammates know that I needed to keep swimming my number one. That swimming had lost out to a girl. And, fuck, do you have any idea how hard it was to see you be happy and realize that I could've been the one making you happy?"

I risk stepping closer to her to fill the space that had been marred for years.

"I never thought I would still be in love with you after all this time."

Her (e/c) eyes are filled to the brim with tears as I smell her favorite perfume on her body. Unknowingly, I gently rub my thumb underneath her eyes to stop the tears from falling. Her warmth radiates into my hand with familiarity that makes my knees go weak. At this point I don't know what I'm doing and finally inch closer to her face, my lips hovering over hers.

"Sousuke," she whispers, "I still love you."

I softly place my lips on hers and get wrapped up in an old feeling. I'm taken back to that day on the boardwalk. I remember how she tastes, what made her want more, and what made her moan. Our lips mesh together passionately, and my stomach releases all of its butterflies as I string my arms around her frame.

I pull away slightly, our foreheads still touching and our lips centimeters apart.

"I never stopped."


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after is always something, isn't it?

Lazy circles were being drawn on my bare back as the sunrise woke up my senses. I turn my body to face the one responsible for this light affection. Teal eyes gaze upon my (e/c) ones as a sleepy smile spreads upon his lips. The first thing I notice is my surroundings. I'm not in my bed. I'm not in my apartment. I'm not even in my clothes. And shockingly, I feel at peace with it.

"Good morning," Sousuke rumbles. Being this close to him, I could feel the vibrations in his throat as he spoke, "did you know you snore?"

"Really, that's the first thing you tell me? Well good morning to you too," I yawn, stretching my arms over my head and arching my back. I feel a warm calloused hand rest upon my naked hips, pulling me closer into his toned chest. I can't believe this actually happened last night. Over the last few months, I thought I would for sure be waking up to beautiful green irises. But this is a more wondrous sight. A sight I never knew I had been longing to gaze upon ever since I met this man.

"So now what," I slowly begin, "do we just act like the past few years hadn't happened or that last night happened?"

A grunt is heard as he pushes himself up to be seated upright. His touch still doesn't falter from mine as a free hand runs through his hair as he tries to fix his bedhead. "Yes and no," he simply replies.

I sigh as I gather up the strength to join him. It's starting to hit me really hard all the events that happened over the last 24 hours. The whirlwind of emotions and faces I've had to put up is too many for any one person to deal with in that amount of time. Yet it all blurs together.

"Is everything you said last night," I mumble, "true? Do you still love me?"

I sink my head into my knees as I wrap myself up into a ball, scared and hesitant of his reply. He's not the type for a one night stand, right? I feel and hear the mattress squeak as a heated hand grazes over mine lightly. His chest is resting against my back and I naturally lean into his touch as if he were a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. The movement of his Adam's apple is felt on the bottom of my neck when he leans in closer to my face.

"I do, but I don't have the right."

I dramatically lay back down onto the bed as his words seep into my head. "Ugh, why are you being so sappy? It's too early for that," I groan trying to stifle a yawn that's threatening to leave my lips. Honestly, I don't have the strength to talk about this right now. I just want to enjoy this moment and realize that it's a moment that is actually happening and not a dream.

"Why?"

"Makoto really likes you."

Suddenly the saliva in my mouth feels like bile as guilt washes over me. "But he broke up with me last night-"

"Because of your feelings for me," he interrupted. "He's grown on me over the past few years and you two have a pretty established relationship." He pauses slightly to take a deep breath.

"You deserve someone better than me."

~~~~~~~~

My head is pounding. How much did I have to drink? I knew going out with the gang was a bad idea, but I needed something to calm myself from doing the right thing. That's my problem, I always do the right thing and look out for others. Aren't I allowed to be selfish every once in a while? (Name) is the one for me, but I'm not the one for her.

That person is my roommate Sousuke. 

I slowly lift my body and take in my surroundings. I'm on a couch with the same clothes I went to that club in, and it seems that I'm not in my apartment. 

"He's waking up!"

"Be quiet, Nagisa! Let him sleep. I'm sure he's going to have a nasty hangover."

"I suggest the both of you to be quiet."

Running a hand through my hair, I listen to the normalcy around me. It's good to know that the banter between the three of them hasn't changed. I hesitantly rise to my feet and walk in the direction of their voices. The light coming from the open window is blinding and painful as my eyes adjust. I seem to be in a hotel room with a wonderful view. I'm snapped out of my trance when I hear the opening and shutting of the door and a familiar smell wakes my sensitive nostrils.

"I ordered us some mackerel," Haru muttered, "eat."

Not one to retort, I take some of the fish dish and return to the couch. Hopefully having some nutrition will help my mind be at ease and piece together everything that happened after I had my sixth shot. 

"So why did you break up with her, Mako? She's really pretty! And smart and practically perfect for you."

Bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, Rei shakes his head at the straight forwardness of Nagisa's question. "You can't just ask him that! He might not be ready to talk about it."

"I'm not the one for her, simple as that," I stated, not bearing to hear anymore bickering. I stand up defiantly and put my plate on a table and start to gather my things. As I'm almost to the door, a gentle hand stops me.

"Makoto, you have to talk about it. You were more than infatuated with her."

"I saw them leave together," I admit dejectedly, "there's no way that anything bad could have happened. Well, bad for me anyways. Look, I just wanna get out of here. Thanks for the free food."

I try to leave them a smile to show that I'm okay, but even with that I can't lie to them. I've known these guys for far too long for them, especially Haru, to not notice when I'm lying. 

I should have known that everything between (Name) and I was destined for disaster. There was always an air of mystery about her and I guess I was able to figure it out. 

Did I love her? Of course I do. But I can't give her what she needs, and I'm not the one who holds her heart. 

Two and a half years of trying to work up the courage to ask her to be mine, and I had no chance. None whatsoever. 

I decide on the ride down the elevator that a nice, long walk home would do me some good. It would be better for me to have a clear head when I have to face the inevitable. I sure as hell am not looking forward to that. The height of the sun in the sky still takes me by surprise as I step out of the hotel. With one step in front of the other, I begin my journey home. 

It's a nice day to be out, I suppose. Clear air, clear sky, seems like your average Sunday midmorning. If only the inside of me matched the weather and the overall feeling of the day. On the outside, I appear to be your normal, run of the mill hungover college student. But on the inside I'm dying, I'm conflicted. I care for both of them deeply and all I want is for (Name) to be happy.

But, whatever I feel is lingering over me and it has been for as long as I've known her.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything takes one step at a time

To say I was surprised to see my former high school roommate in my room right now is an understatement. I wasn't expecting Rin for another few hours at least, considering all the events that had conspired the night before. I had just barely arrived back to my apartment after dropping off (Name) to her apartment and I had wanted to extend that as long as I could, relishing in the bubble of it before reality popped itself back into my mind. 

And what a pop that was.

"I can feel your brooding from here, let me in."

I let my panic subside for the moment and go to the door. I see Rin, his usual smirk adorned on his face as he pulls me in for a hug. 

"So," he huffs letting me go, "where is she?"

I release him and walk inside, "She's at her place right now." I trail off as he gets settled, trying and failing to cover the small sheepish smile that crosses my features. Sadly for me, it doesn't go unnoticed. The sharp-toothed grin I've grown to love is all I see when I look up. Rin and I may not converse all that much but we can still read each other like open books. And he knows exactly what I am thinking and possibly feeling.

"I haven't seen you this happy since we last swam together. (Name) really means that much to you, huh?" 

I can already feel my cheeks start to burn when he says that and chuckles at me. I nod in accordance and shrug my shoulders. "I didn't think I would get this second chance."

Rin claps my back, making me lunge forward slightly, in approval as he lets a low chuckle escape his lips. "You better not fuck it up, she's a total catch. What are the odds that you and Makoto like the same lady?" 

My eyes dart over to meet his ruby ones in hopes of silencing that thought. My eyebrows furrow at the strange realization of his question. Shit, I knew what I felt had bad repercussions but now that he's put it that way... I'm kind of the villain in Makoto's story. The one that took away his happiness and satisfaction. And what about (Name)? What's her story about all of this? Am I still the villain or am I the good guy? Lots of old feelings and emotions were brought back in a small amount of time despite the years of history we have. Was all of this meant to happen or did I completely mess up the narrative of two people who were supposed to be intertwined? Am I the knife or blade that damaged the intricate twine holding them together? 

Fuck

Rin leaves a little while later claiming to have some other business in town before we can meet up for dinner tonight. I can't help but grin at the thought that things are going decently for once. Thinking about her distracts me from the work I have to do currently, but I feel it's all worth it. There's nothing at this point that can take me down from this high.

And then I hear the front door slam.

My hand shakes over the door knob as I hear a commotion outside my room. So it seems he's finally come home. I leave my room hesitantly and approach the common area of our shared apartment. 

"Hey," I mutter out.

"Hey." 

The silence between us is tense and hard to navigate. I swallow an enlarged lump in my throat and avoid his eyesight and try to cut the tension in the air. I smirk a little bit and mutter out, "Looks like you got pretty drunk-"

"Well that's what happens when you breakup with your short lived girlfriend you've been pining after for years, you try to forget the pain." 

My stomach flips at his harsh words, but my outer exterior stays relatively normal. I slowly make my way toward the kitchen where I see Makoto struggle to find something to eat in our somewhat empty fridge. The air around us has changed, after finally getting to a place where we were okay. I'm at a loss for what to do. Do I console him? Do I ask how he's doing? I'm not exactly the best at this, and regardless of what I do I might end up with a bruise somewhere on my body. 

I inhale and exhale deeply, trying to find the right words to say to him for fear of setting him off. "Makoto," I started, "I'm sorry."

His shoulders drop and his mop of brown hair follows. The air around him does little to hide how much he's really hurting. A slight pang hits my lower abdomen as I clearly see the bags under his usually vibrant eyes. "There's nothing to be sorry for." His voice cracked in the middle, and I could tell that he was hurting more than I originally thought. The scratchiness of his tone of voice shows off how dehydrated he is. Did he have any water wherever he stayed? Just how drunk was he?

"You need water."

Makoto just nods and hums in agreement as he grabs a bottled water and shuts the refrigerator door. He slowly stands up and still he doesn't face me. His jaw line is tense, his hands clutch the bottle tightly but gentle enough that it doesn't crack under the pressure. The only things keeping me from going insane are the noises of the apartment: the running appliances, the air conditioning and the slight crackling from our television. The tension is so thick yet so invisible I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

Releasing the stress from his shoulders, he finally turns to face me. His usually green and chipper eyes are darker and unforgiving, striking me harsher than I wanted them too. I'm having a hard time looking at him knowing I'm partial blame for his state. "All I ask," he croaks and then coughs to clear his throat, "is that you don't treat her how you did before. Don't leave her hanging. Be who I can't and won't ever be." 

"Tch, you act like I'm the biggest douchebag you've ever met," I scoff at him.

"That's not very far off from how I'd describe you."

Well I had that coming.

No matter what I do right now, or in the near future for that matter, Makoto will still be severely upset with me. I don't think he's mad, just upset. Maybe disappointed; definitely let down and heartbroken. Judging by this situation, one of us was going to get our hearts broken and it was only a matter of time. 

Too bad for Makoto, it had to be him.

I start to feel guilty for even being gleeful just a little bit ago, knowing that my happiness is his pain. There's gotta be a way to turn this around for him. Because I'm not sure how long I can handle a mopey Makoto in the apartment.

One of the dining room chairs skids against the floor lightly before Makoto sits in it. He stares at the glass in his hand and inhales deeply. "I," he starts, "I don't want things to be awkward between us. All three of us, really."

There's a heavy pause as I expect him to continue, but when I meet his eyes they look as if they're expecting something from me. "Yeah, I agree," I answer.

He takes a sip and chuckles dryly, "I for sure hadn't predicted this conversation, but I will do my best to stay out of the way. For her sake."

I roll my eyes at him and walk over towards the table. "Dude, come on. You're one of her best friends and you're my roommate. If you think we're letting you go by the wayside you have another thing coming."

For the first time today, his hues actually twinkle a tiny bit. "W-what?"

"We know you'll want time, but don't avoid us forever. Look, the both of us really care for you and we're worried that you'll, well mostly her, get really sad and shit."

"Look, I'm not sure. It's a lot, okay? Just let me think about it."

I noticed the upwardness of his voice going from deep and somber to spritely. I give him a hearty smile and he returns it. 

It's a slow start, but the healing process between the three of us is underway.


End file.
